We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
