I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
