Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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