There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
