i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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