I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
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