Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
