guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
