Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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