saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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