i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
