Ambien. No doubt about it.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
