I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
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I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
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she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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