They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
