Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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