I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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