Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
