thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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