apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
