is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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