so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
