I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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