so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
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Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
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I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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