dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
