You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
