it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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