dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
