I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
