I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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