I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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