i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
