Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
