Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize