Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
