There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
