Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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