Kiss
Puke
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
