Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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