best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
