thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
