We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
