You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
