If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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