she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
