what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
