if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
