I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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