The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Randomize
