maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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