the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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