You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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