I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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