I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
