I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so let's talk penis.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
