no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
