I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
