im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
