Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
