Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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