ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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