if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
