My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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