and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
