remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
