His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
