Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize