Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
