now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
