it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Did you pee in the oven last night??
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
