yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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