Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
