This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
