I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
