why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
