While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
