I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I smell stomach acid.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
