i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
