They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
