I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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