I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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