Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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