Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
