Where did you get a picture of my penis
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
