Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
