Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
