any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
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He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
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Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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