Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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